Walking the tightrope

One of the things that I find most challenging as a mother and artist is finding balance between the two worlds. I often joke about being a Gemini and being torn between my two personalities. I've even facetiously given my alter-ego a name, "Lola". When I'm feeling overly temperamental or aggressive, I'll sometimes say, "Watch out, Lola's coming out with her bad self!!" But truthfully, the divide in my personality haunts me daily as I long to be the creative being I picture in my heart. So, as I change the 10th diaper for the day, wipe the kitchen table one more time, or referee the latest battle between my two tumultuous daughters, I often feel the guilt of my egocentric soul who secretly wishes to be dancing and singing the night away on the stage of the local opera house....Believe me, I know the joy of parenthood, of being a loving wife and a happy homemaker. I would never change a moment of what I have for anything...but balancing the two desires of my being is like walking a tightrope while holding a plate on each hand...the slightest bobble can lead to an emotional pitfall into the great unknown...