Dance in My "little-big" Town

It always amazes me how small the dance world is.  The six-degrees of separation thing really does exist; especially when you find yourself working small gig after small gig to establish your resume in the world of theater and dance.

For myself, my years of gig hopping are over as I have firmly planted my tutu on the shelf and only work within the Sacramento area.

Sacramento is what you might call a "little-big" town when it comes to dance and theater.  We have a professional ballet company, two professional theater companies, and a summer-stock Broadway Musical company. We are privileged to be a stop on the national tour circuit for dance, theater and music.  Not bad for what a lot of people consider a cow town.  These companies only thrive on the support of the community.

 The Sacramento Community Center Theatre

What exists beyond that is a plethora of community theater companies and a few semi-professional dance companies who all try and make a partial living with their passion.  This town's theater and dance scene's history is rooted very deeply for some people and everyone knows everyone by association.  I have seen (and experienced myself) the failure of many of these artistic dreams for a variety of reasons.  The competition can be fierce in a small pond. 

As I sit back and view the artistic scenery, I begin to ponder... is it community or competition?  And what is the difference?  How do we treat each other? How do we support each other? Or do we?  How do we talk about each other? And what does this teach the children that aspire to be like us? What type of community do we see ourselves as? How would we like to see ourselves ten years in the future? How do we make that happen?

The truth of the matter is, I am not going anywhere any time soon.  That tutu is still on a shelf here in this "little-big" town of Sacramento...and yes, I would still like to work here, as do many others.  I do not want to be alone in this endeavor, and I certainly do not consider myself beneath or above the challenge of working with my peers.  I enjoy watching my community with its artistic endeavors, and I hope that they will support me in mine.  Hopefully my community will grow and mature.  More theater and dance is a good thing, and hopefully there will be a little something for everyone.  I am curious how others feel in "little-big" towns like mine.

 

 My dear friend Nolan T'Sani perfoming with the Sacramento Ballet.

When Stepping Back is the The Best Choice in Your Awkward Social Dance

I have been on "hiatus", taking a step back from dance for awhile.  My heart still feels a little soar when I think about it, but I know it is the right decision for me right now.  I am learning to trust my instincts and to embrace the vacation.  It is interesting when you start to focus on what you need, and not what everyone else thinks about your art; or you choose to not get sucked into whatever adrenaline-addicted train you ride when you are trying to "prove yourself" as an artist.  It has been nice to just be the observer; kind of like watching other couples dance on the ballroom floor.  You start to notice things that you have never even thought about before.  The way the man pushes the woman gently to make the next turn...or the way she resists...or the slow turn that suspends the arc of the glittery costume fringe are all quite interesting moments... As I watch, I can feel wounds healing though some scars are still sensitive. I have cried a lot, watching others dance...which is good, because the artists have moved me. I still enjoy seeing dancers lose themselves in the moment. The passion.  It will always be there.

I want to make sure that I state out loud that I am not giving up.  That I still am a choreographer and dance professional. I still have dreams and ideas.  I just know that I haven't found the right time in the music to step back on the dance floor.  I have taken a few awkward attempts.  But it still feels like I'm stuttering, tripping over my own two feet... so I know it is not quite time yet.

Yes, I have learned many new things while stepping back...

To enjoy the moments of silence...

And to not live in fear...

Life is filled with beautifully awkward moments, if you take the time to notice the details...and enjoy the other dancers on the dance floor.

from Strictly Ballroom (1992)

Change is good.

Change is upon us.

I can feel it in the air.  It is a new excitement, a new surge of energy.  And it has come upon me with great force <camera focuses in for extreme close-up right now>.

It almost feels like that brief few seconds after you jump out of an airplane, when the sense of falling is upon you. You are flailing your arms and legs trying to grab a hold of something, your senses acute with your surroundings, as if your primal instinct has taken over.  Soon that feeling of falling disappears and you find yourself flying, soaring through the sky like superman. It is an amazing moment. I encourage everyone to try skydiving at least once in their lifetime.

These feelings of excitement are how I know that my artistic juices are beginning to flow.  Ideas, colors, sounds, images are starting to appear, swimming around me like leaves in a whirlwind.  It feels good, and it makes me feel happy; aka "normal". For the first time in two years I feel like creating art again. 

And for the first time in two years, the energy is coming from a place of peace and acceptance.  Not anger or animosity.

I feel like a survivor. When you find the beach that leads to civilization after floating on a raft in the vast, dark ocean for two years, the only thing that matters is that you made it out alive.  I am just grateful to be here...like finding my feet on the ground after jumping out of that airplane.

I went into the studio this weekend, and started to work again.  I gathered a few gentle souls whom I love and started to get my hands dirty. It felt good.  And I'm just going to leave it at that.  Allowing myself to feel good.

<3


Skydiving was my birthday gift from my hubby on my 25th Birthday.  Amazing experience.