I have been on "hiatus", taking a step back from dance for awhile. My heart still feels a little soar when I think about it, but I know it is the right decision for me right now. I am learning to trust my instincts and to embrace the vacation. It is interesting when you start to focus on what you need, and not what everyone else thinks about your art; or you choose to not get sucked into whatever adrenaline-addicted train you ride when you are trying to "prove yourself" as an artist. It has been nice to just be the observer; kind of like watching other couples dance on the ballroom floor. You start to notice things that you have never even thought about before. The way the man pushes the woman gently to make the next turn...or the way she resists...or the slow turn that suspends the arc of the glittery costume fringe are all quite interesting moments... As I watch, I can feel wounds healing though some scars are still sensitive. I have cried a lot, watching others dance...which is good, because the artists have moved me. I still enjoy seeing dancers lose themselves in the moment. The passion. It will always be there.
I want to make sure that I state out loud that I am not giving up. That I still am a choreographer and dance professional. I still have dreams and ideas. I just know that I haven't found the right time in the music to step back on the dance floor. I have taken a few awkward attempts. But it still feels like I'm stuttering, tripping over my own two feet... so I know it is not quite time yet.
Yes, I have learned many new things while stepping back...
To enjoy the moments of silence...
And to not live in fear...
Life is filled with beautifully awkward moments, if you take the time to notice the details...and enjoy the other dancers on the dance floor.
from Strictly Ballroom (1992)
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