Choosing your words

My middle child, my baby girl, has a mean girl bullying her at school.  You know the type, snarky remarks that are meant to prick at your self-esteem and make you feel small.  Every day there are comments about what my daughter wears or who she sits with. But the ones that hurt the most are the ones that Angie can't help...how she laughs, or the color of her hair.  As a parent, your first instinct is to go up to school and give that little twerp a piece of your mind.  My husband's idea is to teach Angie how to box...makes sense from the male perspective.  For now...I am letting things play out, trying to let Angie learn to defend herself in a more diplomatic way, through her words.

Thankfully that is the one thing that I don't worry about with Angie, she knows how to use her words.  She has always been quick-witted and first to verbally respond.  She is very sweet and nurturing, so she has lots of friends and appears to be quite popular among the other children.  Even so, it still hurts when someone picks at you, or points out things that they see as flaws. 

I know that with the media showing us violence in schools everyday and the anti-bullying campaign that has been installed in schools as a result, it is hard to just sit back and let things play out.  There is so much to worry about in today's society.  But somehow I instinctively know stepping in will teach Angie to be a victim, more than a warrior.  And I want her to be a warrior.  I want her to find her own power.  So for now, we talk about things.  I am glad that she tells me what is going on.  I ask her lots of questions.  I let her know that she is loved.  I make sure she knows that she can talk to her teacher about things, and that no one is allowed to lay hands on her and that she has a right to defend herself.  We talk a lot about the other girl and how she has special homework because her parents can't help her with the regular homework, and how the little girl struggles with school work.  We talk about how sometimes people make you feel small so that they feel big.  We talk about how tearing someone down is a sign that someone is very unhappy and doesn't like themselves.  We talk about words and the power that they hold, and how to protect ourselves from someone else's words.  I am glad that we can talk about it all...

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote in his book, The Four Agreements, "BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD.  Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love."

You never know as a parent, if you are doing things right...but if I can teach my daughter this one lesson...I know she will realize her inner warrior.  That she will be able to look any bully in the eye and see how in pain they are, and that she has the power to shield herself from words used as weapons. That LOVE will always win. 

I was never good with words.  The words always got stuck, building anxiety.  Dance became my way of expression.  Over time and with experience I have gradually learned that I have an inner warrior and was able to find my words. These experiences were often because of bullies, but I hold no anger towards these individuals now.  Situations come into your life that give you lessons, and I am so grateful that the bullies in my life helped me realize my own self-worth, even though it was painful at the time.  I hope that they have found peace.  I hope that they have felt love.  I hope that they have realized their own self-worth so that they never bully again.  For we all have the potential of being the bully.  It is how we choose to use our words that determine our character.   My daughter is learning to choose LOVE.  And I know that has more power than any words that someone could say to her.