A Wonderful New Year

I have a confession.

Now don't judge too harshly...being the avid film addict that I am...

up until this year, sadly...

I had never seen It's A Wonderful Life.   I know, huge gasps are loudly expelling as you read this.  I have been completely un-American.  This movie is like Christmas gold.

But in my defense, a two and a half hour movie with no singing, dancing, animation, or slap-stick comedy was never very appealing to a child during the holiday season.  As an adult I have known for some time that it is one of the most beloved Christmas movies of all time, but any time that it aired I would catch it somewhere in the middle and I absolutely will not watch a movie unless I see it from the very beginning.  This year I was determined to watch classic Christmas movies and dvr'd the film so I could watch it after the kiddos had gone to sleep one night.

No shocker here, but yes, the movie made me cry.  It is truly cinematic gold.  The tale of George Bailey, who regrets never living out his dreams and secret aspirations of glory, can touch all of us as we question the choices we have made in life.  The beauty of this film is witnessing the turmoil of this man who had the integrity and heart to make the right decisions, not the easy ones.  Who did what needed to be done in sacrifice of his own opportunities for money or fame.  In the end he finds that he is rich beyond compare with the love and gratitude from all of those around him.  WOW!  I think we all can learn from George Bailey.

As the year slowly winds down and the celebrations towards a new year begin to unfold, I am pondering things in my life right now.  What will the future hold for me?  What life changes need to be made?  How have I affected the lives of those around me?  Have I been a good person?  Have I shown enough love?

Oh I know all of the New Year's resolutions are about to be decided... and the fitness industry wants all of us to join gyms and try to fulfill our narcissistic tendencies...I am just as guilty as anyone on that count.  But growth and life experiences have changed my focus to more spiritual healing.  I want to resolve to be my best self.  Simple.  Do what is right, and not what is easy.  The truth is, I have been trying to run away from egotistical, bad behavior as I was ashamed of my own part in it.  But pointing the finger at bad behavior does nothing to change it.  You have to DO better.  You have to BE better.  So learning from George Bailey...fame and glory aren't real.  Relationships are real.  The way we treat each other is real.

You may never know if you have changed someone's life in a good way or not, but it will certainly give you a sense of peace knowing that you tried.

Like Frank Capra's epic film, my New Year's resolution is to live a wonderful life.  I hope that we can all do better in the new year.  Much love to all.

Coming Full Circle - finding Yin and Yang

There once was this little dance piece that I created called "Yang."  I remember being at the audition for the yearly faculty dance concert at the University and seeing this group of men at the audition, the most men that we had had at an audition in a long time.  As I walked into the audition, I did not have any idea what piece I wanted to create which is somewhat unusual for me as I am a person who usually thinks about an idea or inspiration for months to a year before I get into the studio.  But somehow seeing those men warming up made hairs rise on the back of my neck and I knew in that moment that an all-male piece was what I was suppose to create. 

Creating the piece was a bit of a challenge, as the set pieces came late in the process and the physicality of the piece was somewhat trial and error (I am very girlie-girl, so this was a whole new way of thinking about movement for me).  The men were very open and receptive and I remember them trying so hard to give me the vision that I wanted.  Sadly, the piece had to be pulled from the show after opening night due to an injury.  This was one of the saddest moments of my career.  I was devastated, and so were they.  It was no one's fault, it was just kismet.  Somehow the stars aligned and the universe decided that it wasn't time for this work to be completed.  I remember feeling so bad that I had somehow created this failed experience for the students, but they were lovely as we consoled each other. 

Fast-forwarding to the present, 4 years later, we just closed the show for the annual faculty concert and my baby "Yang" was just put safely to rest, having brilliantly made its appearance in completion.  The dancers were amazing.  Dedicated.  Open.  Loving.  I feel so blessed and grateful.  It is as if these past four years were suppose to happen the way they did so that I could experience this pure joy and contentment. 

Yes, the failure of the first attempt at "Yang" was the beginning of a very tumultuous number of years for my personal and professional growth as I worked in the community trying to build a company with colleagues, and I have struggled with the pain of psychological wounds that were inflicted.  I even took a break from choreographing at the University as I still have some anxiety walking into the dance space now.  But I somehow knew that my first piece after my healing break, had to be "Yang."  I had to heal that wound because I believed in the piece fully and knew that it deserved another chance. The experience was amazing.  It was fun, exhilarating, powerful, and healing.  It reaffirmed my instincts that the dance space is sacred.  That there is no room for ego or negative energy, that it is a place to create art and allow each of us to explore without judgement.  It is fragile, and should be approached with the utmost reverence.  

Coming full circle has shown me that the lessons of these past years have helped me get to this point.  I feel content and excited for my next adventure.  I wish nothing but the best for all of my dance community in their future endeavors.  I am at peace, and I hope in their hearts, they are as well.  After all, there has to be balance in the world of Yin and Yang in order to find peace.  Three of the original cast members were able to see the piece as they are locally working as dance artists, and they each spoke about how happy they were to see it in completion.  The other three dancers are scattered across the world pursuing their dreams as dancers.  I send them much love, I miss them.  Thank you, to my second cast of dancers.  You have no idea how much you have helped this crazy Mama find herself again, and to own her own madness as absolutely beautiful.  Much love to you all!

My son Zane laying down with all of the gifts from my dancers.