Musings...

Today, I'm going to talk about dance.  Why?  Because it helps me in the process of being an artist.  I know that this wonderful invention of blogging on the Internet is somehow therapeutic and also about networking, but it still terrifies me to write my real feelings out completely.  I've always been someone to put on a happy face.  I don't like the feeling of being sad.  Especially when you reveal your flaws or your darkness to the entire world to read.  It's frightening to think about.  So why do it?  I guess for me, it's a way to purge, to let the darkness go. So that I can move forward and feel more free.  How does this relate to dance?  Simply put, dance is every bit as liberating. It gets you out of your head and puts your focus back into your own body, allowing you to feel; the rhythm of your heartbeat, the strength of your muscles, the articulation of your bones, and the joy of your inner spirit.   I always feel better after I dance. 
When I was in my twenties, I was privileged enough to dance in a professional dance company for five years.  We were salaried employees, doing up to five different shows a year where each one ran for two weeks, dancing over 20 hours a week, and loving every minute of it.  The feeling of pushing your body to it's ultimate limits, the adrenaline, the endorphins, the sheer physical pain, is liberating and a huge high.  Not only that, the people that experience these feelings with you become your family. A dance family.  There are so many things that I shared with the people in that dance company.  I love them to this day...even if we didn't always get along or their habits drove me crazy.  I still feel that kindred spirit and I miss them terribly. 
The sadness I feel is that I so want another opportunity to be a part of a family like that.  A place to explore, and be creative.  I don't necessarily need to perform myself, but I would love to be around other artists that can challenge me and support me and accept me for who I am.  I just haven't found the right place or the right time.  So I continue on, alone.  And I guess I'm learning to be okay with that.  It's all part of the process, right?  I'm still living my life, as a mother and wife, a teacher, and a choreographer.  Someone said to me quite recently, "you don't have to be all things to all people".  I know this.  But having a place to belong as an artist doesn't seem like I'm asking too much, does it?  Always reaching for perfection...

This is a picture of Johnathan Cameron and myself...way back in the day :-)