Musings...

Today, I'm going to talk about dance.  Why?  Because it helps me in the process of being an artist.  I know that this wonderful invention of blogging on the Internet is somehow therapeutic and also about networking, but it still terrifies me to write my real feelings out completely.  I've always been someone to put on a happy face.  I don't like the feeling of being sad.  Especially when you reveal your flaws or your darkness to the entire world to read.  It's frightening to think about.  So why do it?  I guess for me, it's a way to purge, to let the darkness go. So that I can move forward and feel more free.  How does this relate to dance?  Simply put, dance is every bit as liberating. It gets you out of your head and puts your focus back into your own body, allowing you to feel; the rhythm of your heartbeat, the strength of your muscles, the articulation of your bones, and the joy of your inner spirit.   I always feel better after I dance. 
When I was in my twenties, I was privileged enough to dance in a professional dance company for five years.  We were salaried employees, doing up to five different shows a year where each one ran for two weeks, dancing over 20 hours a week, and loving every minute of it.  The feeling of pushing your body to it's ultimate limits, the adrenaline, the endorphins, the sheer physical pain, is liberating and a huge high.  Not only that, the people that experience these feelings with you become your family. A dance family.  There are so many things that I shared with the people in that dance company.  I love them to this day...even if we didn't always get along or their habits drove me crazy.  I still feel that kindred spirit and I miss them terribly. 
The sadness I feel is that I so want another opportunity to be a part of a family like that.  A place to explore, and be creative.  I don't necessarily need to perform myself, but I would love to be around other artists that can challenge me and support me and accept me for who I am.  I just haven't found the right place or the right time.  So I continue on, alone.  And I guess I'm learning to be okay with that.  It's all part of the process, right?  I'm still living my life, as a mother and wife, a teacher, and a choreographer.  Someone said to me quite recently, "you don't have to be all things to all people".  I know this.  But having a place to belong as an artist doesn't seem like I'm asking too much, does it?  Always reaching for perfection...

This is a picture of Johnathan Cameron and myself...way back in the day :-)

Doing my civic duty...

Yes, I went and voted today.  I wish that more informed voters would.  This year being a Presidential campaign makes it even more exciting.  Even my 7 year old knows who she would like to vote for.  Unfortunately voting nowadays feels like casting your wishes into the wind, as nothing ever seems to get accomplished and everything gets tied up in bureaucratic red tape.  I just want a clean, safe environment to raise my children in; a decent economy to provide my children with the food they need (that isn't full of bad chemicals); well-rounded education for them; and more art funding so that I can do what I love to do...pretty simple, right?

 (I think the answer is obvious, don't you?)

                          My son tagged along. 
              He's learning what to do at a young age :-)

 

 I love that the American Flag is hanging there.

 I'm not sure how everyone felt about my son standing under the voting booths, but my Mom didn't seem to care.

                                                           Wearing my sticker proudly!

Snapshots of a Fall Day

Fall just happens to be my favorite time of year.  I think it has something to do with the colors, or maybe the crisp cool air of a Fall evening.  We don't get nearly as brisk of temperatures here in Northern California as other parts of the country, but we do get the colors of the leaves.  Here are just a few snapshots from a wonderful day spent with my family.

This is the front step to our house, a ranch style built in 1964.  My son loves the scarecrows!

 I love decorating for the different holidays.

We spent the morning prepping the backyard for the winter.  

This maple tree hasn't quite turned it's leaves yet.

My husband built the playhouse/treehouse.

Aunt Kathy came to visit and helped Angie ride her bike without the training wheels.

Here she goes!!!

Now Zane wants in on the action.

We had an impromptu game of soccer in the front of our house, Gwen's the soccer girl.

Just another relaxing day at the Ross house.

Slowing Down and Taking Stock

So do you have a bucket list?  This idea is not new I'm sure, but it became mainstream through the movie, "The Bucket List" starring Jack Nickolson and Morgan Freeman about two terminally ill men who head off on a road trip with a wish list of to-dos before they die.  Though I'm not terminally ill...Thank God! I am facetiously declaring myself as going through a mid-life crisis. I've recently started to think about writing my own bucket list.  Obviously, traveling and spending time with family would be a high priority on anyone's bucket list...but I'm afraid that what I need most before I die is slowing down and taking stock of what beautiful things surround me in this world.  It doesn't sound very adventurous, does it?  While my recent quest for reinvention has been quite the challenging process, I've come to realize that living your life with anger, animosity, fear, resentment, or envy drains yourself more than it does the people you hold these feelings towards.  So like the tides of the ocean, I'm letting any and all of these emotions float swiftly out to sea and choosing to surround myself with the people and things that make me feel good.  Plain and simple.  So here's to a new outlook on life.  I can finally let the sad, wounded and misused part of my psyche be laid to rest.  So now it's time to sit down and write that to-do list..

This picture makes me smile, as my dear friend Nolan often referred to our former business adventure in just this particular way...

Reading the "Casual Vacancy"

Anyone who truly knows me, knows that I LOVE Harry Potter.  I own 6 wands, the Time-Turner, my very own Quill, all the books including Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Quidditch Through the Ages, and the Tales of Beedle the Bard, all the movies, and several fan T-Shirts and other Hogwarts apparel.   Yup, I'm a geek.  Eventually you'll find me at a Muggle convention, when I don't have mountains of laundry and 120 dance critiques to grade... So when I found out that J.K. Rowling was publishing her first post-Harry book, I immediately ordered a copy on Amazon.  I received the book at the end of September, with it's red and yellow book cover that felt rigid while holding. I just finished it today and I think that says something about the book.  It took a while for me to read it.  I'll admit that it was hard for me to let go of the Harry Potter world. My immediate dissatisfaction with the language in the book, so different from the world of Muggles and Wizards left me feeling disappointed. But I knew that I had to keep reading, kind of like a pill you have to hold your breath and force yourself to swallow. I was desperately routing for one of my favorite authors to succeed.  And ultimately, I think she did.

The story takes place in a small English town called Pagford after the death of a Parish Councillor named Barry Fairbrother.  Rowling throws over a dozen new characters at you, one right after the other, which left me confused and adrift as to how to follow the tale.  This was where disappoint started to sink in, as I couldn't put down any of the Harry Potter books after the first few pages due to the rich vocabulary and magically creative scenarios Rowling had created.  Somehow though, the meandering tale of the "Casual Vacancy" started to become focused and I found myself quickly turning the page to see what cataclysmic event would fall on one of the self-absorbed residents of Pagford. Eventually, she had me ignoring my children and burning my bacon as my nose was buried deep in the book, in anticipation of the dramatic conclusion.  I closed the book feeling satisfied, proud of her for bravely breaking free of the Harry Potter chain around her neck.

The book is not perfect, and comes across a little depressing and preachy.  But I could definitely see things that made me smile as a Rowling fan: the name of the deceased pivotal character, Fairbrother, shows her use of blending words together to emphasize the personality of a character, a favorite trait of mine within the Harry Potter series. Her activism for social issues such as racism, sexism, and socio-economic politics shows her darker thoughts towards society and it's unavoidable downfalls.  And finally, her ability to peal layers away from a character over time so that you begin to understand truly what makes them tick, shows that we all have good and evil within us though some more than others, is probably her strongest attribute as a writer.  At times it feels very Dickensian, but with a modern twist; and the sex scenes and vulgar language almost feel jabbing, as if to say <insert middle finger> to the confines of Harry Potter mania.  But I think she definitely deserves the right to do so living through the global obsession with all things Wizard and Muggle. I just long for a little more of Rowling's cheeky humor in her next writing adventure.  

So am I still a Rowling fan? Absolutely.  I'm excited to see what new tales she puts forth for my reading pleasure in the future.  Though I have to admit, I hope they don't center in the town of Pagford.  I'm happy to leave that vicinity to rest on the shelf.