Taking criticism

One of the attributes that defines being an artist of any kind is knowing how to take criticism.  You receive it from everywhere; from family and friends, artistic peers, media critics, students, mentors, and from your own twisted psyche.  Putting art out into the world to be judged when all art comes from a personal point of view is part of the deal.  You have to suck it up and get over it.  Sounds harsh but is truly a reality if you want to work in any artistic field.

Learning to take criticism is a work in progress for me.  My brother would facetiously call me Mary Poppins as a child because I had to be "practically perfect in every way".   I took criticism as a personal flaw that I had to fix immediately, understanding now, that I was a little girl that desperately wanted to be loved.  Anyone who knows me will tell you that my oversensitivity is my deepest vulnerability and also what makes my artistic point of view.  I call it the curse.

There comes a point in life when every thing comes full circle, as my daughter Gwendolyn has inherited the curse.   Watching her struggle through tears, punishing herself for her imperfections is heartbreaking to watch.  As I reach out, and envelop her in a hug telling her that I love her deeply no matter what, I sigh...as I'm hugging the little girl inside myself and learning to let go...

Choosing a path

Are you a planner?  Do you try and map out your life in a particular direction?  Goal oriented, with purpose...

Or maybe you enjoy the whimsy of dealing with things when they come your way?  Floating along like a feather on a breeze...  <insert the theme song of "Forrest Gump" here>

I think my dual personality, being a Gemini, has me conflicted between both traits.  I try to plan and try to focus, I love organization.  It makes me feel "in control"...but then I'll see something or I'll have an inspiration that distracts me and I'll drift off on a tangent...

I get impatient, too.  I sometimes don't understand why it takes so long to arrive at a destination.  I want what I want right NOW.  

So that's my dilemma.  Which path to take?  Hmmmm

I'm listening.  I'm open for guidance.  I'm aware of my surroundings and enjoying the energy around me.  And I feel peaceful.  So which direction on the map do I take?  Sometimes I feel like closing my eyes and pointing my finger at random and seeing where it takes me...

Am I My Resume?

I recently had to revamp my Curriculum Vitae (a highfalutin way to say resume) for work.  The process was actually meditative, as I started to analyze my career in dance displayed in words.
Thirty-five years of training, and over twenty years of professional dancing and teaching have seemed to slip through my fingers.  Does it feel like a long time?  In some ways, yes.  In other ways, I can still remember the smell of the rosin we would cover our feet with in ballet class as a little girl, and it only seems like yesterday.

I can see who I am as a dancer based on those words on that page; a little girl who loved ballet, who fell in love with theater, who became a teenager and fell in love with hip-hop, who became a young woman who fell in love with modern, who became a woman and fell in love with choreography.  It reads very simply, actually.

So I wonder why I confuse myself in who I am as a dancer??  Maybe because I see the judgement of how others perceive me...maybe because I feel trapped in teaching one genre for too long...or maybe because I'm too much of a chameleon who loves too many styles and can't focus on one direction...ADHD....
Regardless, the words on that page show a lifetime of hard work and dedication...and LOVE

Yes, I still love dance.  It will always be the love of my lifetime, I'm just learning to look at life differently and take what comes my way with open arms...




Isadora Duncan :-)