Another Cinematic Moment...

What do you do when you are on the other side, when you have crossed the abyss?  How do you feel? How do you behave? How do you react?  How do you take the tentative steps to move forward?

There are times in our lives when we experience transformation, when we have faced our demons and have come out alive...times when we have painfully grown up or survived an unexpected, jarring experience.

As an avid reader and movie fanatic, I often relate my own personal experiences in life to my favorite stories on film. In fact, as I create choreography I often refer to moments in films as sources of inspiration for certain movements or feelings.  Life to me, is like one giant MOVIE.

The cinematic moment that keeps coming to mind right now is a scene from one of my favorite films, Shawshank Redemption, regarding Andy Dufresne, "who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side."  Like Andy standing in that river with rain pouring down on him, arms held up and stretched wide, we are awakened to a new sense of of our own being.  We are free.  Finally, free.  Andy walked out of that river and took ownership of his life.  He took control of the situation and let justice be served.

I think what is beautiful about Stephen King's writing of this character is that as long as Andy stayed in the prison, he reciprocated the criminal behavior even though he wasn't a criminal in the first place.  He allowed the prison to control him.  He did what he had to do to survive. Though he truthfully found meaningful relationships and understood the goodness of the people who were also trapped inside the prison, which made him regret leaving them behind, he understood that if he continued to stay he would lose himself in there. 

I think there are times in our lives where we are all stuck in our own prisons.  There are times where we compromise our beliefs or our boundaries in order to function in the environment we are in.  Maybe it is because we desperately want to survive, or maybe it is because there is something that we desperately want to have, or some image or lifestyle that we want to be a part of.  Does it mean that we create that environment?  Maybe, maybe not.  But by choosing to stay in it, we definitely will always feel the turmoil of our inner struggle with our own character.  When Andy decided to finally leave, he faced crawling through 500 yards of sewage to reach freedom.  What a metaphor. 

But he did it, and he SURVIVED.  As he walked away he took his integrity and his self-worth with him.  I like to believe that he was a better person on the outside afterwards.  That he wasn't so absorbed with the fictitious drive for money, status, and higher-class and that maybe he saw people differently.  I would like to think that we all can come out of our own prisons more generous and more caring, but most importantly, with more understanding of our own self-worth.

So what do we do once we have crossed the abyss?  "We get busy living, or get busy dying."  Oh...and we remember "that hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."

Or maybe we just watch Shawshank Redemption...

Andy Dufresne

My Summer of LOVE

When I was in the midst of depression, where I couldn't see past my own pain or get out of my own head-space, a very dear friend of mine taught me about the "Tiers of Enlightenment."  I do not know where she learned about them or whether the things that she said to me are accurate from the original source, but I like the way that she explained them to me and thought that I would share.

You see, we all live on a Tier...and there are people who are above us and people below us.  We recognize people on our Tier as seeing the world as we do in that moment; maybe they are going through a similar life experience, or they are on the same trajectory of career ambition.  When you look down below you, you see people who have not reached your Tier, you have been where they are but you now have become enlightened.  You however do not "look down" on them, because you are "above" that type of energy.  I should point out that each Tier has nothing to do with age.  People reach Tiers at different paces.  The people who are on the top most Tier are people like Mother Teresa or Gandhi.

The important thing to understand is the only way to move up to the next Tier is to experience something life-changing. It can be an event that is anticipated or heart-wrenchingly unexpected.  It can be of our own choosing, or it can be thrown at us.  The process can often be painful and can feel like you are being reborn, but once you are on that new Tier you understand the world, your existence, and the capacity for love more clearly.  

When my friend explained the "Tiers of Enlightenment" to me, my mind was blown.  It honestly gave me such a complete sense of hope and understanding.  I knew in that instant, that I was going to be okay.  Thank you, my dear friend.  You are an Angel on earth for guiding me on that day.

This summer has been one of the best summers of my life.  I have felt more at peace with my own being.  I have been the most present and in tune with my children and husband.  I have enjoyed every moment we have shared with each other.  I have been reborn.  I am excited to have a world of new sensibilities around me, and I understand where and with whom I want to share my energy.  It has been a summer of LOVE.

I have such love for this world and the possibilities for human compassion.  I now look at the day ahead and ask myself:

How do I learn?  How do I teach?  How do I love?  How do I grow?  How do I help?  How do I share?

Carpe Diem, my friends.  Here's to the last day of my summer vacation!

The View from the Wings

My mission in life is to NOT be a "Stage Mom."  I cringe just thinking about it.  We all know the type...somehow Joan Crawford from "Mommy Dearest" pops in to my head.  I'll let that image sink in for a minute......

So when my girls showed an interest in wanting to dance, my anxiety level rose ten-fold.  How would I navigate being a "Stage Mom?"

Finding a studio for my girls to learn the beauty and art of dance was very difficult actually.  Sometimes it's a bad thing that I know so much about dance.  It took trying three different studios before I found the right one for me and my girls.  And the main point of that last sentence is the right studio for ME.  I had to feel comfortable there. And it had to feel like the right environment for them to grow and explore the art of dance. I wanted it to be about the art and the discipline.  I LOVE my girl's dance studio.  It reminds me of the studios on the East Coast where I learned classical technique.  It feels like home. 

So I watch from the wings, and I help back stage, and I try not to correct them...which is really hard at times.  I leave the corrections to their teachers who are very well trained.  I sometimes participate if they need me.  I appreciate that they let me be involved.

As the music soars through the air and the little ones are lined up ready to go on stage with their frilly costumes and cute little bows in their hair, I watch from the wings as my daughters dance with joy and passion for the audience.  It is an indescribable feeling...almost like magic.  I'm glad that I am able to be there.  And yes, that makes me a "Stage Mom." <big sigh>

Angie waiting backstage for her big entrance.

 Gwen and her classmates getting the jitters out behind the curtain.