Building a New Foundation

I'm starting to work on my next project.  It's a whirlwind of emotions, thoughts, and literally, pieces of color that seem to be floating around my head.  I see certain pieces clearly, and other pieces haven't come into focus yet.  The past year has been mind-blowing on so many levels.  Being a part of Red Bucket Dance Theatre and producing my first full-length art piece was just like the content, an emotional rollercoaster ride.  My inner core has been revealed.  As I've stated previously this year, the response was amazingly supportive. 

Within the process and aftermath, I've come to realize some truths about myself.  First and foremost, I'm an artist, and all that entails...I can not control my emotions, I have difficulty with conflict, and I express myself through my medium: dance.  Secondly, I'm a mother and somewhat co-dependent.  I tend to worry about the feelings and well being of others to a degree that is unhealthy for me.  This becomes very apparent when I spend a significant amount of energy trying to appease someone with little or no emotional support in return.  Lastly, but most importantly, I am a survivor....I put one foot in front of the other, and blindly work my way towards my next check on my to-do list.  No matter what, I know what and who are important in my life. 

I believe that this year, for me, was suppose to happen.  Sometimes we become too complacent in our lives and need a little hiccup to jolt us into reality.  For I am truly blessed. My family and closest friends mean the world to me.  They are truthfully my lifeline right now and the only thing that makes sense to me anymore.  

I look forward to blogging about the process for this next project.  I hope that you enjoy the ride....

Beginning again...

For those of you that know me, you are already aware that I'm coming out of a huge funk.  Producing my first show was an emotional roller coaster ride, to say the least.  It was amazing, exhilarating, terrifying, and yes, a life-changing experience.  But the aftermath left me feeling bruised, scarred, and definitely deflated.  Several weeks later, I've had some time to process all of those amazing emotions and feel like I'm beginning again...shedding the skin of my former self, coming out wiser, stronger and ready to love again...

I'm sharing some pictures of the beautiful signs of spring that are appearing in my garden at home, they give me inspiration for new ideas, new adventures, and a new creative process...

my rose bushes starting to bud

fuchsia in bloom

my Japanese Maple starting to get it's leaves

Snapdragons!!!!

Tulips!!!!!

All the little orange dots on this plum tree are ladybugs...I counted 22...amazing!

Happy Spring Everyone!

Filling my glass

Do you believe the glass is half full, or half empty?  For years, I've considered myself as viewing the glass half full.  I've always told others to look to the bright side, to follow their dreams, to lead with their hearts, and to accept the world with open arms.  What I'm recognizing now is that I've been helping or guiding others, using my energy to help fix them.  To please them.  Yup, the big 'ole people-pleaser.  That's me.  The world can be absolutely harmonious, and I will pick out the one thing that doesn't seem right and try to fix it.   In fact, I obsess about it until I figure out how to fix it.  And if I can't fix it, then I punish myself and turn that energy into self-loathing for disappointing others.  Crazy, huh?  Where does this come from, this self-loathing, this insecurity?  I truthfully don't know....  What I do know, is that these feelings are why I create art through dance.  Because it's the only way that I can make sense of my emotions...  So, I recognize that the glass is half empty.  But I'm working towards making it full.