Do you have what it takes?

One of my favorite television shows that I like to watch with my girls is Project Runway.  Angie, my fashionista, enjoys it probably a little more than Gwendolyn who considers herself more the "sporty-girl".   But I enjoy watching them as they look at the designs that the contestants create and then critique them like they are serious art critics.  Fashion is high-art after all.  Something about the show resonates with me as you witness these passionate, ambitious designers trying to discover and strengthen their artistic voices while being riddled with competition and harsh criticism.  My favorite quote from tonight's episode is when one of the judges says of a contestant, "but she has tenacity and you need that in this business, especially when everyone around you is judging you at all times."

BINGO!

That's been my struggle of late.  Feeling like the whole world is judging me at all times.  It can take you to a very dark place, especially when you feel like you have no friends.  But this particular contestant to whom the judge was referring used those dark feelings whenever she was faced with criticism and created her next design with more determination.  Each time she did, she felt stronger.  That, is inspirational to me...Highly Inspirational...

Focus

Focus
1. To converge on or toward a central point of focus; be focused.
2. To adjust one's vision or an optical device so as to render a clear, distinct image.
3. To concentrate attention or energy: a campaign that focused on economic issues.

One of the tools a dancer can use in composition is Focus, drawing the dancers viewpoint (and ultimately, the audience's) to a particular place on the stage.  In life, we have a focal point as well; the thing that we point our energy towards.  This can be a person or a group of people, a career, or in some cases an addiction.  Focusing can be goal-oriented or self-destructive depending on how you use your time and energy.  I find that for the past year now, my ability to focus on details is decreasing significantly.  I find it harder and harder to pinpoint what is meaningful in situations I encounter, in fact I question practically everything about other people's motivations and intentions like some paranoid delusion.  I've begun to think that I truly have ADHD to some degree.  

When I was twenty years old, my boyfriend of 5 years decided that he wanted to date other people.  I was completely devastated.  Not because I loved him desperately...I don't know if a 15 or 16 year-old really knows what love is...but because the idea up in my head of "true love" and "happily ever after" and "what every princess deserves" wasn't going to happen.  I felt like my entire world and how I perceived life was turned completely upside down.  Forget about the fact that he really was a jerk, a liar, and a cheat who didn't deserve a single ounce of my precious love...but all I could think about for months to a year was the heartache and devastation of my "teenage dream"...<background music of Katy Perry's song can be inserted now>  It's as if my head couldn't think clearly, while my heart was broken...

So in trying to focus on what is the best path ahead for me, a central point of focus; so that I can render a clear, distinct image of myself as my BEST self; and concentrate my attention and energy on the people who mean the most in my life and truly enjoy the process...I must take my heart off of my sleeve, put it safely in my chest, cover it with my suit of armor so that I can think clearly and THEN I'll be able to focus on what's important and meaningful in any given situation???  Oy Vay!